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Monday, April 20, 2015

Masculinity Doesn’t Belong to Any Gender and Other Reasons Why Policing Sexuality Does Not Work by Sara Alcid @ The Body Is Not An Apology

"Maybe you’ve heard it, been asked it, or wondered about it yourself: Why do queer women and lesbians date masculine-presenting women instead of just dating a cisgender dude?

Well, let’s break it down and answer the question.

But most importantly, let’s examine why this is such a common question – and come up with some more respectful and supportive questions to ask instead.

1. Masculinity Doesn’t Belong to Any Gender
2. Compulsory Heterosexuality
3. Conflating Gender and Sexuality
4. Attraction Is Complex
5. Toxic Masculinity Is Not Welcome
6. Stop Policing Sexuality

Now that you know the actual answer to why women who date masculine-presenting women don’t just date a cisgender man instead, here are some more productive and respectful questions to ask instead:

  • What are some changes you’d like to see your community make to become more affirming and inclusive of LGBTQIA+ couples?
  • How has your understanding of masculinity shifted after dating masculine-presenting women?
  • What’s one of your favorite things about dating [name of partner]?
  • To make this world more just and equitable for women dating masculine women and allLGBTQIA+ folks, each of us must commit to consciously unlearning the many components of kyriarchy that make the question I’ve addressed possible in the first place.

We must unlearn gender norms, de-centralize heterosexuality and whiteness, and practice positive sexuality – one step at a time.

We’re in this together, and we can get there."

See entire article @ The Body Is Not An Apology