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Sunday, June 22, 2014

The DTR (Defining the Relationship) Talk

  •     Is the timing right? Ask yourself whether it is the right time to have this conversation or if it can wait? Don’t be too quick to classify a new relationship. If given the opportunity, a relationship will define itself as two people getting to know each other. Instead of rushing to have any relationship conversation, try to enjoy your time together a little longer. If you pay attention and use your observation skills, you will have all the information you need to make an intelligent and thoughtful decision about your relationship.
  •     Have the right mindset. If you decide to move forward with the “talk,” go into it with the right mindset. The goal should be to create an atmosphere where both of you feel comfortable to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes and concerns about the relationship. Don’t make it about coming away with a “label” for your relationship, and do not pressure the other person to say they feel the same way as you do.
  •     Pick the right location. Having a serious discussion about your feelings can be intense, so select a private place where emotions can be expressed. Spontaneously initiating a relationship talk in a crowded coffee shop or over lunch probably isn’t a great idea.
  •     Be direct. Don’t ask something like, “So where do we stand in this relationship?” This will probably put your date on the spot. Chances are you’d like to go from “dating informally” to “dating exclusively.” If you feel ready to stop dating other people, this is an appropriate time to ask your partner if they are ready to do the same.
  •     Be open and receptive to all perspectives. Answers may not be a simple “Yes” or “No.” If that’s the case, don’t assume complete rejection if he or she expresses a desire to move slower than you. Be prepared to listen to your partner’s response and discuss it. In contrast, try not to be overwhelmed if he or she expresses a desire to move faster than you. A good rule of thumb is to listen and take it all in before you react.
  •     Don’t give false hope. If it’s the other person wanting to move your relationship forward — but you’re not so sure — make this clear and do not offer false hope.
  •     Just say “No” to ultimatums. Likewise, if you are the one ready to take the next step and the other person isn’t, be honest, but steer clear of being pushy and issuing ultimatums. These are guaranteed to sabotage a new relationship.
  •     Offer an opportunity to think things over. It’s not necessary to demand an answer immediately. When people feel pressure to respond, they often get flustered and find it difficult to express themselves. Suggest that you both take some time to think things over and pick up the conversation at a later date."

See entire article about how the DTR talk can go smoothly