What happens when a man says, "You don't deserve me?" Thorton T.C Hall writes...
"This really bothers me on a multitude of levels! I have been seeing and hearing this particular phrase come up regularly as of lately, so because of such I felt that this issue needed some tending to and some in depth explanation. So here’s my attempt to bring understanding to the situation…
When a man says, “I don’t deserve her. She can do better!” It means one of two things. Possibly, he could be trying to say that he realizes he is not living up to the expectations of what he defines as a man and what he feels that you truly deserve as the significant other in his life. He recognizes that he needs to do better or at worst he feels that you can honestly find better out here than what he’s giving you. He might feel he can’t be the man that he feels you honestly deserve or are looking for based on the qualities you as his woman exude!
He could also be trying to test you to see how much you are truthfully there for him. Simply put he could be saying,” You can do better”, to see if: 1.You actually believe that in your mind and, 2 if you will actually leave him to go out and find what you feel is better!
That being said I want to offer up some tips on how you deal with this situation if it arises and also why I don’t feel men should ever say it at all!
Ladies when a man tells you, honestly, he feels that “you can do better than him”, He is fully capable of being trusted, so Trust him! Because that means he’s humble enough to admit he doesn’t’ deserve your worth! When a man is humbled enough to admit that he doesn’t deserve you, it means he recognizes your worth and value and he also respects and honors you for it. It also means he’s a truthful, honest, and good man! At least in that sense! This also serves as a test from that man to you! It is a test to see if you really truthfully want to stick around and be a part of something with this man, or if you really aren’t sure and you want to actually go out there and find that “better something”. It’s also a test for you to see if you can be trusted to stick around through the “worse” in the cliché, for better or for worse!
But at the same time Ladies, if you are constantly fighting internally if you really want to be with this man or if you truly feel like you deserve and can do better than him, you owe it to him and yourself to be honest and recognize the reality of the situation. It’s not fair to either one of you to force yourself to stay somewhere where you honestly don’t want to be and to give the other person the false perception that you do!
EveryTHING has a breaking point! You have to decide for yourself what and where yours is! You also have to decide for yourself how much you honestly are, WILLING to deal with!
Gentleman, why do we keep saying this? Stop it! Here the problem, When you say this, you put your significant in a very compromising situation. You make her feel helpless, like she can’t do anything to make the situation better because you seem to not show in fight in that regard! The fact of it is, she might very well be able to do better than you, BUT she may not want better, she may just be perfectly content happy and satisfied with wanting and having YOU. So stop F’N up, and Step It Up!
Recognize what it is you need to improve on and Fix It! And honestly, if you can’t fix it be man enough to admit it and let it go! Save yourself and the person you care for a lot of stress and heartache. If you keep putting on the table that you recognize you not good enough and that she can do better than you, eventually she’s going to get tired of hearing it, start believing you, and consequently go out there and Find it! IS that what you really want??? "
Credit