I’m Not “Curvy”; I’m Fat: How I Got Over My Fear of the F-word

"But, almost a decade later, I’ve realized that the word F-word holds zero power over me. In fact, I embrace it. I am fat. Of course, I’m a lot of other things too. I’m brunette, I’m short, I’m smart…I’m fabulous! Fat is just another adjective that someone can use to describe me and it is accurate. It’s certainly possible to disagree over the definitive word for a woman’s body (and there are so many to choose from)! What’s curvy to some is chubby to others. What’s skinny to some is bony to others. What’s athletic to some is masculine to others, and so on. But let’s be real, 350 pounds is no one’s definition of skinny, so I feel confident that everyone can I agree that I’m fat. Well-meaning men and women constantly dance around the word, afraid to offend. I’ve been called everything from “curvy” to “big-boned” to “fluffy.” These words make me cringe. Let’s get something straight – I am NOT big-boned. I’m 5’2″ and actually quite petite under all my weight. I’m not even sure what “fluffy” means in terms of a body. My body isn’t “fluffy.” It’s fat; it’s thick – and yes, it’s strong.

So WHY are we so afraid of the F-word? It’s because he word fat encompasses so much more than a physical description. Everyone knows that fat also means ugly, lazy, undesirable, stupid, and a host of other negative words, but I beg to differ with this implication. I truly believe that I’m beautiful and sexy and totally desirable. Of course, this is subjective, but I know for a fact that I’m not lazy or stupid. I’m active and I’m intelligent. These are qualities that the F-word cannot take away from me. When people see positive things in you, they refuse to call you fat because they see an incongruity there. Fat and positive aren’t supposed to go together. If I had a penny for the number of times I’ve heard the following, I’d be rich.

You’re not fat; you’re beautiful!
Don’t call yourself fat! You should love yourself!
You don’t act like a fat girl.
You sure can dance for a big girl.
Did you meet your boyfriend when you were thin?

Statements like these show that people have a deep-seated belief that FAT cannot coexist with any other positive adjective, but I’m here to tell you that it can. Do other fat people a favor.: don’t bother telling them they’re “not fat,” as you simultaneously complain about your OWN body which is smaller. Don’t tell them they have a beautiful face, or that they’re not fat (“You’re not fat; you’re beautiful!”) All you’re doing is proving that you think fat people can’t be beautiful, but fat and beautiful are NOT mutually exclusive. You can be both! I know people have good intentions when they shy away from the F-word, but you’re doing all of us fat people a disservice. Instead, drop the F-word all together and just give them the damn compliment, but if a fat person does refer to themselves that way, don’t feel as though you have to disagree with their assessment.....
I have a series of videos on YouTube called “A Fat Girl Dancing” (you can see these videos here) and I chose this name for a reason. No one else chose it for me to shame me or make fun of me. I chose it because I’m OWNING it. I’m making a point – I’m fat AND I can dance. I’m juxtaposing the two things together in a way that people think is not possible. And hopefully, I’m changing some minds about what fat people are capable of. 19 years after I first internalized my fat shame, I’m finally learning to let it go. I’ve learned how to be fat, beautiful, smart and fucking fabulous ALL at the same time. I don’t have to be one or the other. I don’t have to let F-word define my capabilities and you don’t either."

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@No Body Shame